The Twelve Steps to Self-Care: Step 3. Address and Manage Anxiety and Depression

Anxiety

 

    Anxiety can be a reaction to stress if our thoughts about change are catastrophic and our behaviors create more problems. When anxiety becomes an excessive, irrational dread of everyday situations, it can become a disabling disorder. 

          Anxiety affects the whole being: thinking, emotions, and behavior. It also can affect people physically with heart palpitations, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath, and tension headaches. Every person experiences anxiety in some form or another. An anxiety disorder is distinguished from stress in that it is usually more intense, lasts longer, and interferes with day-to-day activities and goals.

          Anxiety is different from fear, which generally has a concrete and external source. Anxiety, on the other hand, is internal. Thinking creates it, although its effects can manifest themselves in physical symptoms and bodily reactions, in the psychological symptoms of apprehension and unease, and in the behavioral symptoms of stopping people from acting, expressing themselves, or functioning in daily tasks. This anxiety can also manifest in the behaviors of compulsive spending, debting and gambling.

 

Depression

 

According the National Institute of Mental Health, "Depression is a serious medical illness; it's not something that you have made up in your head. It's more than just feeling `down in the dumps' or `blue' for a few days. It's feeling 'down' and `low' and `hopeless' for weeks at a time." (see  http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/index.shtml )       

          People with depressive illnesses do not all experience the same symptoms. The severity, frequency, and duration of symptoms will vary depending on the individual and the particular illness. Symptoms of depression include the following:

- Persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings

- Feelings of hopelessness or pessimism

- Feelings of guilt, worthlessness,

    helplessness,irritability, or restlessness

- Loss of interest in activities or hobbies once

pleasurable,including sex

- Fatigue and decreased energy

- Difficulty concentrating, remembering details,

    and making decisions

- Insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or

    excessive sleeping

- Overeating or appetite loss

- Thoughts of suicide or suicide attempts

- Persistent body aches or pains, headaches,

    cramps,or digestive problems that

   do not ease, even with

   treatment.

 

Both anxiety and depression need to be addressed in order to move forward with a happier, more functional life. If you identify with any of these symptoms, particularly if you are so affected you have thoughts about ending your life, seek a mental health professional today or call your local suicide hot line.  Managing anxiety and depression is possible and will change your life.

 

Suzanne

 

The Twelve Steps to Self-care: Step 2. Stop all destructive, addictive, or compulsive behaviors—seek recovery.

          

          We can have addictive or compulsive behaviors about a great many things.  In the beginning they seem fine, even wonderful.  At first we might use them to feel better, even when thing really aren’t better.  The problems of the moment remain, but we can avoid facing those problems by engaging in these addictions and compulsions.  Unfortunately, after time passes the addictions or compulsions being to create more problems.  Some common examples are drinking too much alcohol too often; using other drugs in large enough amounts or often enough to cause health, legal, relationship, employment, or financial problems; overeating; frequent check bouncing; compulsive gambling; compulsive spending; compulsive credit card use or other forms of debting; compulsive sexual activity; over-working (as in “all work and no play.”)

 

          How do you know when a behavior is addictive or compulsive?  Here are signs:

·        The behavior has caused you problems, but you keep doing it.

·        You’ve tried to stop or cut down, but you return to a higher level of use than you really want or intend.

·        People who care about you are expressing concern about this behavior.

·        The behavior might make you happier when you’re doing it, but you feel bad after it’s over and, as time passes, it stops making you happier when you’re  doing it.  In fact, your problems get worse.

Take the time to tell the truth about your addictions and compulsions.  Acknowledging them is the beginning of healing from them.

 

          What compulsive behaviors or addictions do you have that you know your life would improve if you could stop them?  No matter what they are, you can get help in developing healthy ways to handle these problems.  You’ve probably already tried to stop or reduce them on your own and it may not have worked that well.  There is no shame in getting help, so talk to someone about this.  Your doctor, therapist or counselor can help you.  If you are a member of a church, they may have help or recommendations for you.  There are recovery support groups for almost everything now.  (For example, there are thousands of different kinds of 12-Step support groups.)  Take a step toward healing and abundant self-care! 

Sam

 

Step One: Recognize and heal from trauma.

                                                   

  

Trauma, as we defined it in Chapter Five of our book, Wealth and Well-Being, is “an intense stress beyond anything a person ever expected to experience.”  There are many experiences that can cause a trauma: transportation crashes, combat, sexual or physical abuse, natural disasters, or violence either experienced or witnessed.  No matter the cause, there is a common denominator from the traumatic event: a feeling of intense fear, helplessness, loss of control and possible threat of death.

 

If the original trauma is not treated, the person can then experience the symptoms of PTSD or Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The symptoms may include nightmares, flashbacks, dissociation, hyperarousal, and intrusive thoughts to name a few.  A real or perceived threat, often times unconscious, can trigger flight, fight or freeze behaviors for the person experiencing PTSD. 

 

Imagine trying to imagine a life of peace, wealth, and well-being when you’re dissociated or locked in fear, stress and panic. Recognizing and healing from traumas that one has experienced is a first step to self-care and the path to peace and safety. If you know that you have experienced an intense trauma, or if you suspect that you have in your childhood, find professional help from someone who has experience in this area. There are also self-help groups sometimes offered at not-for-profit agencies and mental health clinics that can be useful. Take that first step to explore what is available and take action towards your emotional self- care. 

 

Suzanne

 

The Twelve Steps to Self-Care

Dependence on our old ways of being, our old “wiring” if you will, can feel frustrating and futile, particularly if what we are thinking and doing is not creating the life we want.  Albert Einstein is credited with the old saying defining insanity as doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.  It is an accurate description of this frustration. In the midst of the chaos, finding a clear path to emotional and financial independence can seem overwhelming if not impossible.

As many great thinkers and programs have advised, walking that path generally involves taking one step at a time. We’ve created the Twelve Steps to Self-Care to provide a map of how to begin this journey. The process begins by assessing where you are on the map, orienting yourself, telling the truth about where you are to the best of your ability, and moving forward. 

          Remembering that each of these steps is a guide and not necessarily a linear path is important. Thinking of healing as a spiral will help you visualize your progress that may sometimes takes what can feel like a step backwards. You may have done a lot of work in the first of these three steps, made small progress in steps 6 or 8, and are very high in 11 and 12, and have the life you want most of the time.  Change and healing takes time and many, many steps, but it all starts with the first one. 

 

Suzanne

 

Radio Dreams

On March 12^th of this year I had the chance to fulfill an old vision:  I was interviewed on national Public Radio.  I’ve had this vision for at least 30 years and I’m happy to say the actual experience was as good as I imagined.  Dick Gordon of ‘The Story’ was the host and interviewer,  He was kind, had a great sense of humor, and asked questions I enjoyed answering.  His goal was to do a show on running a business without debt and, as I operate all my businesses debt-free and without ever borrowing money, I fit the bill.

 

Dick asked me about my past financial mistakes, particularly with credit cards. I am not shy about that part of my life and like discussing how I learned how to live without credit cards and other forms of unsecured credit. These questions and my answers brought a lot of laughter to the interview when I reflected on how I handled money more than 20 years ago.  Learning to find the laughter in the hardest, most embarrassing truths seems to put them in perspective and actually allows me to learn more from them.  If you’re going to laugh about these kinds of experiences with someone, Dick Gordon is a great guy to laugh with.

I also had goals in doing this interview:

I wanted to fulfill my old vision, promote this new book, and encourage other people who have had difficulties with credit cards to try living prosperously without using unsecured credit.

The interview allowed me to fulfill all three goals. 

Several listeners contacted The Story and were forwarded to me.  They wanted to buy our book and a few wanted to know how to make the transition from struggling with credit card debt to living debt free.  I had the experience of creating new friendships and had a chance to offer guidance and experience on making such a dramatic change in beliefs and behaviors.

     Fulfilling a vision like this is a truly wonderful experience for me.  I’m sure it’s just as terrific for everyone who carries a dream for a long time and finally has it come true.  Last week I had a second rewarding experience from this interview:  one of the listeners who contacted me wrote and told me that, after the email conversations we had shared, she had made some changes and was now happily on her way to living without debt.  That is why we wrote our book and, while it’s an experience I have often, learning about her new hope and joy was particularly sweet to me.

          This interview was recorded March 12, 2009 and it’s called ‘The Last Financial Crisis.’  In this broadcast I am the 2^nd guest (about halfway through the show.)  You can hear the interview at this website:  http://thestory.org/archive/the_story_729_RTC.mp3/view

and you can find a link to it on the Media page of this website.

Sam

The Road to Change

In this 2009 economy we are witnessing something that most of us have never seen:  a deep recession or depression.  Many of us heard about the last depression from our parents or grandparents, but to be in the middle of one is new for most people who are alive today and it’s a new experience for some of our clients.  However, for many of our clients, it’s the same old familiar story: the money runs out before payday, life is filled with one financial emergency after the next and, no matter what, when it comes to money they never, ever get caught up and stay caught up.

Our clients come to us for help and support in addressing specific areas of their lives that aren’t working for them.  But for many of our clients, living in financial chaos, deprivation and confusion is not a “‘specific area” of their lives—it’s the hopelessly never-ending background of their day-to-day experience.  It is the fabric woven through the areas of focus that our clients bring to us, and it’s so big and it’s been around so long it doesn’t occur to them to address it as if it could change.  And sometimes—way too often—it doesn’t occur to the helping professionals either.

We wrote our book, Wealth and Well-Being: How Therapists, Counselors, and Helping Professionals Can Assist Clients through the Emotional Roadblocks to Financial Independence, to encourage all helping professionals to incorporate the possibility of financial well-being in their own lives and to be willing to address it with their clients when doing so would be an act of support.  For the last 14 years we have been assisting others in addressing the emotional roadblocks to financial independence.  We have learned how to support others in letting go of financial vagueness and chaos and in bringing consciousness to their day-to-day relationship with money, prosperity, and their financial futures.  It has been a powerful experience to watch them take control of their finances and to begin to have their money serve them instead of living with the sense of being victims of the “whims” of money.

We encourage you to join us in this experience and to be part of a new conversation.  It’s okay to talk about money.  It can be a very rewarding journey for your clients to get beyond clichés like “I’m a day late and a dollar short” or “The money keeps running out before the bills do.”  On the other side of those clichés is the beginning of a path to financial well-being.  It’s worth the trip.